The beginning of Doug Carey’s testicular cancer journey would sound familiar to so many other men who have been through a similar ordeal – something just didn’t seem right down there. And a week later, when his right testicle had alarmingly moved up the produce scale from grape to grapefruit – and it had become painful for Doug to even put on pants – his wife Lexee knew that their lives were about to change dramatically.

Together for several years by that time in 2010, moving around the state of California pursuing a variety of jobs – from auto repair to fast food – Doug and Lexee were happy and relatively carefree. They certainly didn’t expect to be confronting a cancer diagnosis in their twenties, which is why it was initially such a tough blow to absorb.

“I took the news pretty hard at first,” Lexee recalls. “You’re always worried when you hear the word cancer.”

Nevertheless, like any other challenge they came upon in life, Doug and Lexee knew they could get through this too if they stuck together. As Doug started to visit doctors and undergo chemo treatment about a month later, both he and Lexee began to feel more at ease, knowing they were in good medical hands. But Lexee still needed to adjust to the idea of suddenly being a caregiver – she knew she would do anything for Doug, but not having been through anything like this before had her feeling uncertain about the road ahead.

“I had never been a caregiver before in my life, so I was a little unsure of what to do,” she explains. “But after the news finally sunk in and we were back home, there was just something inside of me that said, ‘You can handle this.’”

Adjusting to the Caregiver Role

That resolve was tested almost immediately, however, as Lexee began trying to balance living her life with making sure she was there for Doug whenever he needed her. Pursuing her AA in child development at a local junior college, she was splitting her time between trips to the treatment center to support him and attending classes.

Sometimes she’d be on her way to school when she’d get a call from Doug that he wasn’t feeling well, and she’d get off the bus and head back home to be with him. But even amid that push and pull, she saw being there for him during his cancer fight as really no different than everyday life – she was going to do whatever she needed to do for the man she loved.

“I didn’t really have to make any major changes at that point because Doug and I had been together for so long and he was the love of my life, so I knew I was going to do anything and everything I could to take care of him,” she says. “Whether that meant staying home with him, rubbing his feet, or just holding him – whatever he needed, I was there for him. Because when it comes to the ones you love, you just do whatever you possibly can for them.”

All the while, Lexee sought out information online and from the staff at the treatment center, not only about Doug’s condition but also about how she could best support him as a caregiver. She encouraged him to start a journal to write down how he was feeling, his hopes for the future, and anything else that might help keep his spirits up.

Discovering a Community

As Lexee and Doug continued to lean on family and friends for support throughout their journey, they also discovered TCF as yet another crucial source of comfort, love, education, and openness during his cancer fight. To this day, more than a decade after Doug was declared cancer-free, they continue to embrace TCF as a lasting network of friendship and support.

“The TCF community is amazing because everybody has some piece of advice to share,” Lexee says. “Whether you’ve just been diagnosed or you’ve had surgery or you’re adjusting to life after treatment, they’re there to listen to your story and to provide support and encouragement when things are tough.”

Looking Ahead, Looking Back

Together now for almost 18 years, Doug and Lexee are settled into married life (they’ll celebrate their eighth wedding anniversary in 2025) and their careers – he as a regional manager for a landscaping company and she as a fitness instructor for high- and low-functioning individuals with autism. And with their cancer journey in the rearview mirror, Lexee believes they are as strong a couple today as they’ve ever been. They both recognize, she says, that the petty arguments and miniscule dustups of everyday life are nothing compared to the life-and-death experience they’ve shared.

On a personal level, meanwhile, she also knows now that being thrust into the role of caregiver – so suddenly and at such a young age – has given her a level of strength and perspective that have proven invaluable. Looking back now, she encourages other caregivers to be as patient and as loving as possible.

“The most important thing is to listen, to communicate, and to be open,” she says. “You’re not there to tell them how to feel or how they should see things. Just let them continue to be who they are – as long as you’re there for them, they’ll eventually tell you how they’re feeling and what they want and need.”
She also notes that caregivers need to remember to take care of themselves as well, even as they’re so intently focused on attending to their loved one. Because as hard as it can be sometimes, it’s important to keep living your own life too, even amid such strange and stressful circumstances.

“I had many days where I would feel guilty for leaving Doug to go to school or get my nails done or anything else that involved something for me,” she explains. “It didn’t feel right to do something that wasn’t specifically for him, but you can definitely get burnt out if you don’t take any time for yourself or ask for help when you need it.”

These are but a few of the lessons learned from a challenging journey that Doug and Lexee Carey never expected, but ones that they pushed through just like everything else in their lives – together.